AMSTERDAMMED

Going to Amsterdam was really exciting, especially for me as I didn't make it there last time I was in Europe and I had heard so many interesting stories about it.  We had specifically planned to get there on October 7th as that is Sister Celia's birthday and she just so happened to be in Amsterdam on the same day with her Contiki tour!

Anna and I arrived mid-afternoon, and immediately the smell of marijuana hit as us we hailed a cab at the main train station.  We got settled into the Flying Pig Uptown Hostel, which was a little bit out of the centre of town, but right across from the beautiful Vondelpark which is supposedly one of the nicest parts of the whole city.

We met a nice young Aussie bird in our dorm-room and she was as hungry as we were, so we all ventured out to grab a bite to eat.  Somehow we all ended up in the Vondelpark with a joint each from one of the local 'coffee shops' and just chilled there for the afternoon having a gay old time.

That night we met Celia and a few girls from her Contiki crew at a bar in town and had a few drinks before they had to go off for a 2 hour booze cruise around the canals.  We used this time to get a meal at a nearby Italian restaurant, had a few more drinks and then met Celia again, along with her 51-strong tour group (!!!) at the first of many bars.

This first bar was all about the shots.  In fact they offered over 100 different types ranging from about 2-4 euros each and I would not like to think about how many we actually had, but there were a few!!

The whole bar was full of the Contiki tour and Celia will correct me if I'm wrong, but I would say at least 90% of them were Australian and under the age of 25, so you can imagine what was going on!

We then moved on to the next bar and that's where the camera runs out of battery and I run out of memory.  However I do know we had a great night and it was super to be able to celebrate Celia's birthday with her.  The only sour note being that Celia left her bag behind and somehow Anna and I ended up with a 40+ euro cab fare trying to find her hotel to give it back to her!

The next morning Anna and I were both pretty shaky, but the eggs and bacon we had for breakfast at the nearby Irish pub gave us enough energy to join the free walking tour that was leaving from the main square at 1pm.  Our tour guide Kendra from Canada was really funny, but I was laughing even before she opened her mouth because she was a dead ringer for my mate Guiseppe from the golf club haha!!

The tour lasted just over 3 hours and covered pretty much all the historical sites, but also plenty of places that you wouldn't find in any guide book.  It was really interesting and we learnt some interesting things ranging from where Amsterdam got its name, to the fact that the city's highest point above sea-level is 1.7m, to more quirky things such as 20,000 bikes are retrieved from the canals each year.  We were even told that the reason Dutch people are all so tall is because all the short ones drowned in the floods, however she laughed and said we can make up our own minds about whether or not we believe that one haha.

the Waag at the Niewmarket

We spent a bit of time at the Niewmarket which is a square near the centre of town.  It is dominated by a building known as the Waag which was originally a gate at the medieval city walls but was then converted into a weighing house after the walls were demolished in the 17th century.  The square was created when the canals around the Waag were filled in 1614 and was used as a marketplace (hence the name).  In WW2 the square was used by the Nazis as a collection point for Jews who had been rounded up to be sent off to the concentration camps.

main courtyard of Amsterdam's University

Another thing we noticed was the use of the XXX symbol everywhere, which we both thought was in relation to Amsterdam's notorious sex industry, however we learnt that this was not the case.  It's actually quite an unusual coincidence that the city's official symbol that was chosen over 500 years ago is also a more recent sign for the sex industry.

it is also a mere coincidence that these street posts  are shaped like penises haha

the popular Amsterdam booze cruise that goes around the streets rather than the canals!

one of the last remaining squat houses in the city

They say the most dangerous thing in Amsterdam is not the red light district, or the 200+ 'coffee shops' that sell marijuana to anyone over the age of 18 years, but rather the cyclists!  You have to see it for yourself, but there are so many people riding their bikes as a way of life that you really have to keep your wits about you when you are walking the streets.  Obviously not everyone is riding their bike at the same time (although it sure feels like it), so this means there are thousands and thousands of bikes all over the city locked up to whatever will work.

there aren't many expensive looking bikes around, but there are plenty of cool ones!

Our tour finished around 4:30pm in the beautiful Jordaan area, which gave us just enough time to line up and visit the Anne Frank Huis.  Anna had been to it before, but she was interested to see it again and as I did not know much about her story, I was super keen to learn about it.

From the outside the house looked just like any other normal house in the area (which I suppose that's what they were hoping for!), but it was inside and up a few flights of stairs that the secret bookcase was opened up, revealing a really clever hiding spot.

The Frank family lived in the secret annex with another four Jews.  For over two years they lived in constant fear of discovery and it was during this time that Anne Frank wrote her now famous diary.

On 4 August 1944, everyone in the secret annex was arrested, some prick had betrayed them and ratted them out.  They are deported first to the Westerbork transit camp and then on to Auschwitz.  Otto Frank (Anne's father) is the only one that survived the camps.  The others all die, including Anne who died of disease and exhaustion.

The identity of the betrayer has never been become known..........

We both walked out of the museum in a much somber mood then when we had walked in.  It was such a sad story itself, but you can also imagine how many more stories there are just like it out there.  We bought the diary and I am now in the middle of reading it and it is just unbelievable to think that such a young girl could write down her feelings the way she did, blows me away!

this bike was right up my alley!

It had been a bloody long day, especially on the back of a big night, so we made a beeline for home afterwards.  There were a couple of times where we almost got taken out by someone on their bike, but luckily we made it home in one piece!

the bike paths are more dangerous than the roads!

The Netherlands was once a colonial power, with colonies and settlements in Africa, Asia, North America and the Carribbean.  Indonesia, with its wealth of spices, was considered the jewel in its colonial crown and for this reason, the Dutch wholeheartedly embraced Indonesian food, not only in the colony, but back home to.

We decided to embrace it as well and went to 'Tujuh Maret' for a great meal, albeit pretty expensive.

After dinner we took a walk to De Wallen, the infamous area known as the red light district.  You see things on TV and hear stories from people that have been there before, but being there yourself is a completely different thing.

It retains the power to make you go all googley-eyed and your jaw go limp, even if near-naked prostitutes propositioning you with a wink or a tap on the glass is what you are expecting.

I really was gobsmacked at not only how in your face it was, but also how stunning some of the women were!!!  You had to feel sorry for them, but then again, we had been told on our tour that the majority of the women actually enjoy it.

on the left side you have a church and on the right side you have the 'big black mumma alley' haha!

Interestingly, even in the darkest heart of the district, there were some really charming shops and cute cafes where the only thing vibrating would be your mobile phone!

After walking around for a while, we left the RLD and headed for home.  On the way we stopped at the famous coffee shop 'Dampkring' which made an appearance in the movie Oceans 12.

I was pretty keen for some dessert and as we were in Amsterdam, there was no better option than a hash cake.  Although I would never get sucked into this nonsense in Melbourne, we were in Amsterdam, it had to be done.  It would be like going to Italy and not eating pasta!

The guy behind the counter said to take it easy and maybe eat one half of the cake first and then wait half an hour to see how I reacted, but the cake was sooooo tasty that before I knew it, it was all gone!

Funnily enough, by the time we got home I was not experiencing any side effects whatsoever and by the time I went to bed, still nothing, it was like it had never happened, weird.

the entrance to our hostel

The next morning we had a pretty good breakfast put on by the hostel and then went off to visit the Amsterdam Dungeon.  I was expecting big things because I had been to the same thing in London and I absolutely loved it.

Although there were a few instances where we were a little scared, all in all it was a bit of a let down and definitely a waste of 15 euro each.

What was not a waste of money however was a great lunch.  We stumbled across a great little shop called 'Pie Minister' and had the most delicious pie's accompanied with creamy mash potatoes and the thickest of gravy, so yum!!

We then went down to the train station to organise tickets into Germany a few days later and then walked through the most amazing bike-park.  Only in Amsterdam would you find 4 levels of bikes stacked together like sardines right next to the train station, it really was quite funny to see.

The rest of the afternoon was not the finest moment of my life, but one that Anna and I will look back on and have a good chuckle.  We decided to go to Barney's coffee shop and smoke another joint, only this time we bought a stronger one than the one we had had a few days earlier.

Being amateurs at this game, we didn't quite understand the strength and within 15 minutes of sucking back for the first time, the whole world had changed.  Anna didn't quite have as much as me, so she basically just laughed for the next hour.  Unfortunately I must have had just that little bit too much and it sent me into a state of total confusion where I literally thought I was about to have a seizure and die.  I was "bugging out" Johnny Drama style.

Anna was with it enough to be able to literally walk me home and put me to sleep around 5pm and I didn't stir until about 10:30pm when we went out for a late dinner of macca's.

That will be the last time I ever do anything silly like that again!

on a different planet

The next morning we both woke up nice and fresh after a solid sleep, ready for an exciting day ahead.  Our hostel was right near the old Heineken Brewery, so it was an easy stroll past the Van Gogh museum and the Amsterdam sign to reach the "Heineken Experience".

The Heineken Experience is Amsterdam's most popular attraction and is a super-sized reincarnation of the brewer's old brewery tour. 

It had everything from multimedia displays, rides, gift shops, history of the company, history of beer and how it is made, the Heineken horses and most importantly.....plenty of tasting!

history of the Heineken logo

It was interesting to learn the history behind the company's famous logo, the red star.  It dates back to the early 14th century when medieval brewers hung the enduring symbol of the star over their vats to protect the brew and guarantee its quality.  The protective powers of the five-point star symbolised earth, fire, wind and water, with the fifth star point representing the unknown element that the brewers believed was 'magic'.

the Heineken Horses are still in use today and can be seen carting kegs of beer around the city

After learning all about the beer making process, it was time to get our first taste of what Anna and I both consider to be one of, if not our favourite beers in the world.

room playing Heineken commercials, some of the best ads ever made!

The tour then continued as we were sent into a small cinema like room and taken on a 3D 'ride' through the beer making process.  At times we were even sprayed with water from the roof as the beer splashed around on screen, it was a bit silly really, but a bit of fun.

More tasting after that and we had the opportunity to pour our own beer and obtain our certificate of beer pouring.  It took me about three goes, but I finally poured what was deemed to be a suitable beer and received my certificate haha.

my beard was getting long enough to get a froth moustache  

We spent a bit of time in the gift shop at the end, but decided against buying anything because our suitcases were already about to pop.  Lunch was a pretty casual affair and then we spent the rest of the arvo just walking around and I finally bought a new pair of shoes/boots that I had been painfully searching for the last week or so.

the perfect bike for the pants I was wearing haha

luckily I don't have any pants to match this one

That evening there was a red light district walking tour on and although Anna wasn't that keen to do it, I certainly was, so we organised to meet afterwards and off I went.

the Vondelpark was looking stunning as the sun went down

The tour started at 7pm and last around 2.5 hours.  I am so glad that I did it because it was really interesting to learn a bit more about the whole industry and also some really funny stories.

interesting entrance to someone's apartment

Although it was interesting to learn about the more historical and legal aspects of prostitution in Amsterdam, without a doubt it was more interesting to hear all the juicy goss.

We were told of many stories that were just so funny, but the one that takes the cake is the guy who regularly goes to the same girl and pays her the standard 50 euro for a 15 minute block, only there is no sex involved.  Instead he has the girl dress up in nothing but high heels and has her walk around the room stomping on chocolate-chip cookies while he lies on the bed and ahem you can guess the rest.  He is known as the 'cookie monster' hahahahah, god I couldn't stop laughing when I heard that.

The other thing that I found hilarious was when we stopped outside an Irish pub and we were told that this was the most dangerous pub in Amsterdam.  We had no idea why, but we were told it is because it is in the street where all the transexual prostitutes are and there has been many a time when a guy has come out of the pub blind drunk and popped in for a quickie, only to find out he got a little more than he paid for hahahah!!

Anna met me right at the end of the tour and we ended up having dinner with a vast majority of the tour group at a great burger place.  Afterwards we went off to the infamous Theatre Cassa Rosso.

There are several theatres in the RLD with one common theme, they all have nightly sex shows of one sort or another.  Anna had told me what it was like as she had been before, but nothing could prepare me for what was on stage, it was unbelievable.  It featured 9 different shows, with 5 of them being couples who literally just had sex on stage right in front of you, like literally right in front of you, I couldn't believe it, it was actually a little awkward haha.  The other 4 shows involved a singular female performing some sort of stunt, the most famous of which involves a banana and 5 people from the crowd, thank god neither Anna or I were called up!!

poor kid

We slept in a little bit the next day and then went for a run and some crossfit in the Vondelpark.  We then went into town to meet Carmen, a girl we had met in Florence who lives in Rotterdam but was in Amsterdam for a meeting.  It was great to catch up with her as she is a really nice bird and it was good to be able to talk about all things Holland.

That night it was great to catch up with an old friend Amy Stephens and her fiancé Ron who are currently living in Amsterdam.  Fortunately their apartment was right nearby, so we walked there within 15-minutes, had a few beers and then went to their local bar for a few more.

They had some home-made pizza's at the ready when we got back to their place, so we had a couple more beers and a few slices of pizza which was perfect.  We had a lot of fun and it was super to be able to catch up with some friendly faces.

I love Amsterdam

Next morning we were up at the crack of dawn and joined a group of predominantly older people on a trip to the north of Amsterdam, to the edge of the river Zaan, where we visited the windmill village of 'de Zaanse Schans'.

First stop was a small clog manufacturer which was really cool.  Apart from the old school clogs it had on display, we were also given an interesting 10-minute demonstration on how the clog is made, so clever!

The factory also had a huge selection of clogs for sale and I so would have bought a pair if I didn't have to lug them around in my suitcase for the remaining 2 months of our trip!

On the turn of the 18th century, this district was an industrial area with approx. 700 windmills in use.  Today this number has been dwindled down to only 5 left, but we were still lucky enough to be able to visit one.  It was really interesting to see how the mill was used to crush thousands of peanuts and eventually turning them into oil.

Anna trying to catch a chicken

my new friends

We then hopped back on the bus and about 25-minutes later we arrived in the medieval town of Edam, most famous for its world renowned cheese.  It was definitely a very pretty town, but it was very quiet and lacked atmosphere, so we weren't upset that we only spent half an hour there.

The bus had us back in Amsterdam by the mid-afternoon, but as we had been up at about 7am, it felt like it was a lot later.  Anna was pretty stuffed and so she decided to take it easy and chill at the hostel, but I wanted to get out and about and tick a few more things off the list.  

One of those things was hot chips, which Holland and Belgium both claim to be the best.  I went for the satay sauce and ketchup combo, which turned out to be a big mistake haha!  

nothing can compare to the hot chips from Kingston Heath GC

The map that our hostel had given us had a few "must do's" on it and the only thing that we hadn't crossed off was the Amsterdam sex museum.

I wasn't quite sure what to expect, but I think the best word to describe it is.......weird.

as you walked past this guy, he would pop out......literally!

This so called museum had some of the weirdest and disgusting statues I have ever seen, along with a whole lot of other pictures, posters, magazines, products and all sorts of stuff that left absolutely nothing to the imagination haha!

salt and pepper anyone?

only in Amsterdam would you find a rubber dildo attached to someone's balcony!

I didn't spend too long in there and as it had only cost 4 euro for the entry, I didn't feel like I had wasted my money.  It was a bit of fun and as Anna will tell you, I do like ticking things off a list and now I felt like there was nothing left that we had to do in 'the Dam'.

That night we had arranged to catch up with another friend.  This time it was Inge, who also lives in Rotterdam, but happened to be in the area.  Inge was the one who drove us over the tricky border crossing from Spain into France and thus enabled our holiday to continue, so we have fond thoughts of her!

We went to a great bar in the Jordaan area that we had walked past a few times during the day and thought it would be worth a shot.  It was really cool and I especially liked the fire they had going out in the street, that would never happen in Australia!!

Inge had to drive home, so it wasn't a late one, which we were happy with because we had a big train ride ahead of us the next morning.  We said our goodbyes and hoped to see her in Australia sometime in the near future.

We had a mad rush to the train station the next morning as we left everything a little late.  I was getting so narky at the cab driver who I was sure was taking us the long way, but luckily it all worked out ok and we managed to get on the train to Hamburg with literally a minute to spare.

Now the next thing to worry about was our next border crossing!